so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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