DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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