I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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