So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
