hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
