those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
