I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
