And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
