Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
