the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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