i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just pee around me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
