I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I believe in your delicious
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
