If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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