I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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