Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
