yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
