walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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