Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
