i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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