You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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