We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
