My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
