Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
