i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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