my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
