And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
