You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
