So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
