capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
