Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
