all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
