Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
