I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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