I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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