I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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