the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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