Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
