I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
