On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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