So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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