I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
