so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
