Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
