between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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