I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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