What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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