i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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