so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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