Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
