i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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