I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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