We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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